Corned Beef in My Cornucopia

At about age 14, I reported to our country doctor that I had an enflamed lymph node.  Dr. Grumpy looked back at me and said, “Why don’t you just say you have a swollen kernel?”  If I wasn’t such a mild, mannered, temperate, and thoughtful lad I would have shot back, “I don’t know Doc, why don’t we just call you a barber and pay you what you’re worth.”  Like I say, I would never have smarted off like that.  But every time I hear, "there’s a kernel of truth in every lie”, I get this funny feeling I need a haircut.

That said, I’m posting this in the shadow of St Patrick’s Day and I’ve got several pounds of corned beef out on the smoker.  I love me some corned beef.  A few years ago I even learned how to take a fresh brisket and make corned beef.  To my great surprise, the recipe calls for absolutely zero corn.  I wondered if country doc was responsible for this misnomer as well.

As most of us know, corn is actually called “maize” by the Central American natives who first cultivated it.  I don’t know nuthin about Aztec / Mayan etymologies so we’ll leave maize at maize.   As well as being an amateur physician, I was an inveterate etymologist early on.  I always thought Thanksgiving’s cornucopia was where the Native (North) Americans kept their veggies including that fabulous multi-colored corn.  Not so much.

So what’s up with “corn”? Let’s go back to my love of the savory Irish treat – corned beef. The recipe calls for a special variety of salt and pickling spices which is basically aromatic herbs and various kernels of… hey, did you notice that?  Kernels!  Corn derives from the IE root, gre-no which clearly refers to grain, specifically the business end of plant which consists of small seeds or kernels.  No maize is used in the preparation of corned beef, but I love the flavors those little spice kernels impart.

That clears up the corned beef controversy, but what about cornucopia and unicorns and let’s throw in my beloved trumpet (aka: cornet)?  If corn means kernel, what do all these other corns mean?  There is another IE root ker1 which means horn.  Does that make sense?  A cornucopia means “horn of plenty” (-copia as in copious, plenty).  A trumpet / cornet entered the orchestra as a humble horn.  Unicorn is a horse with… you get it.  By the way, rhinoceros and my beloved dinosaur, triceratops also feature horns on their head and in their names.

So, after Doc and I dealt with the swollen kernel, I asked him about this corn on my foot.

Epilogue:  Disappointed in my search for a great local deil with even greater corned beef sammiches, I am not left without options.  My motto is "cook what you like to eat" and I did!  For purists, a traditional corned beef is boiled, a pastrami is smoked.  However, traditional pastrami is cured with juniper berries (kernels of which I have none).  So, please allow me the privilege of introducing you to my hybrid exclusive Smoked Corned Beef Sammich on Perfect Panera Thick Sliced Rye.  Oh MY!!!!!